Dear India,
I tucked you into bed tonight and read you a special poem
that your Grandma had sent me to read to you. It read:
When I have said my evening prayer,
And my clothes are folded on the chair,
And mother switches off the light,
I’ll still be __ years old tonight.
But from the very break of day,
Before the children rise and play,
Before the darkness turns to gold,
Tomorrow, I’ll be __ years old.
__ kisses when I wake,
__ candles on my cake.
We reread it again and again and filled in the blanks with
6’s and 7’s. And we practiced for when we would read it to Reeve in 5 sleeps
time for his special day too. You began to cry. I asked you why you were upset
and you told me it was because you were sad about growing up too fast. You said
you wished you were turning 3 again and pined to be 3 forever. I asked you what
it was about being 3 that made you miss it so much. You told me it was because
you were free. At first I wondered what you meant by that, but tonight as I sit
here and write you this birthday letter I think I know exactly what you mean.
You have always been a beautiful hurricane, spiraling inward
and upward. You are powerful and emotional.
And your feelings are big like a storm. When you are learning and
gathering you seem frenzied but just like the eye of the storm you are calm in
the middle of this process. I am often left in your wake as you reach new
conclusions or find deeper understandings. Tonight you felt heavy because you
miss a time when you were home with me every day, and we could paint or cook,
read books or nap. Your brother was still little enough to adore you and be
your captive audience without asserting his own spin. I think you realized that
growing up means losing some of the freedoms that childhood innocence allows.
It breaks my heart to know that you can already grasp this concept of being
homesick for time well spent. But it also fills me with awe as I see your old
soul growing with insight. You are a deep thinker. You are smart and you work
hard at your goals. If you can master these two gifts, intellect and
persistence, than anything is possible for your life sweetheart. You are worthy
of all the good things, even when you fall short. Making mistakes is really
hard for you to cope with, but it is also really important. Its ok to make
mistakes so long as you learn from them and fail up.
You have learnt a lot this past year. I have
been impressed with your transition into the big kid section of school. Year
One is going extremely well. You love your teachers Miss Pearson and Mrs
McComb. I feel blessed to have had these strong, kind women to help shape your
view of this world and yourself. Keep working hard Indi, you are worth the
effort you put in.
You have lost 6 baby teeth and had your
first visit to the dentist. You were a little anxious before but handled the
whole experience very well. I think not needing any work done and the sticker
helped ease you into it. Perfect teeth! You also had your first xrays on your
wrist for a suspected fractured hand/wrist. You had to wear a brace for 2 weeks
but all results came back clear of a break. You handled all these medical
procedures with courage and I think you are beginning to overcome some of your
phobias regarding medical/clinical things so that is progress.
You have made new friendships at Millars
Well Primary School, even though you desperately miss your Madeley girls and
talk about them often. Your closest school friends are Jorja, Abigail, Rosie, Alyssa,
and Miss Jessica Day. Jess was your first school friend in Karratha and I love
that you are still making your friendship work even though you have been in different
classes and have strong personalities. Your friends have all told me how
excited they are for your party, this is because you are an exceptional friend.
You are very thoughtful of others. You are generous, compassionate and kind.
You have made a mini BFF in our little Choggy bub. (always remember “India, a
Buuuuub!”). you are a good friend to your church friends too and such a good
carer of the babies. You will make a great babysitter one day just like Sonja!
You still love to create dances and
performances and recently won a merit award at school for your efforts in your
class play for assembly. You did a great job Indi and I believe this is one of
your talents. It makes you feel good when you make others feel happy and laugh,
whether it be from a joke you tell, a prank you pull, or a dance off. Don’t let
your fear of what other people think of you stop you from reaching your highest
heights! You have a talent and I hope that as you grow and resources become
available you can develop those talents. You have a beautiful singing voice and
love music. We dance in the kitchen a lot and you tell me when I get too crazy
or my singing is terrible J
one of your favourite songs right now is Whip Nae Nae. You also like to make up
dances to Annie’s “Hard Knock Life” jayZ version.
You still love Animals and would like to
maybe be a Vet when you grow up.. or help rescue endangered animals. This shows
you value life and your compassionate nature would be well suited to your
current vocational aspirations.
You told me tonight that my body was soft,
just like your plush toy and that’s ok; because there will be hard days and there
will be good days I want you to know that I will always be a safe, soft place
for you to land. I love you India. You have taught me the most about who I am,
what I am capable of, and who I want to become. Your brother and you are my
greatest teachers; you hold up my clearest mirrors, and I will love you forever
with a love that cannot die. It is unconditional and helps me to understand the
nature of God a little more.
Do not worry so much sweetheart. Growing up
is a gift that we should cherish. Let’s learn together how to be present in the
moments we are blessed with; let the good soak into our bones and the bad roll
off our backs and let’s never stop dancing!
Love always,
Mama
xoxo
