2

Reeve,

You have been a 2 year old for 1 month already. Time really does prove to be fleeting as our lives continue to develop. Your days are also my days son. we are writing this story together and it's genre can be defined on any given day. Your birthday proved to be a mixture of comedy and heartfelt drama. Granny and Pop had arrived with Uncle Joe the night before your special day and this ushered into our home, an added measure of love and energy. You celebrated with a small gathering of your friends and family. You ate cake, played pass the parcel, received gifts, and smiled hard. It was a great day.

You love Juice and your bottle.
You love motorbikes. and trucks. and planes. and trains.
You love your Dad the most.
You are learning to share. 
You love to kiss and give The Best hugs!
You love to be naked.
You love Shaun the Sheep & Timmy Time. You call them both Baa.
You also love to watch Mr Maker.and have recently discovered craft.
You are left handed.
You are starting to like books.
You do not like bedtime.
You are "talking" more. I am trying my hardest to understand!
You prefer sweet over savoury.
You love to be tickled.

This past year has seen you change. You are still the same loveable boy you have been since your arrival, but you are getting older. This is to be expected. It is the natural order of life. But that does little to appease my discomfort as I comprehend the time that has past and cannot be retrieved. You will never be this age again. This time in your life is precious. It is a hard stage for us both. I find myself wishing you older some days. I think it is more the frustration I feel as I watch you struggle with language and your inability to express yourself. More than wishing away this time together i so desperately wish for your success and your peace. I love you. I have always loved you as much as i do now. As you grow I better understand the way you operate. Your likes. Your dislikes. Your fears. Your talents. These elements are ones we are learning and recording as we go. But from the moment i laid eyes on those 2 lines of the pregnancy test, confirming your existence within me, I have loved you with a Love that has only met its equal in your Sister. You are divine. Don't ever believe anything else.

Love Mama xxx

P.s

Your birthday cakes:

4

Dear India,

Yesterday was your 4th birthday. A day signalling that you have been a member of our family and this world for 4 years; although i suspect you have been a part of us for much longer than that. From the moment I first heard your cry and saw your face i knew I had known you before. I had finally been reunited with a long lost and most desired treasure.  My heart was healed of an emptiness I had not contemplated before you came along and my loneliness was completey eradicated with the arrival of you and your brother. You are a large piece of what makes me whole. I feel it when you are far from me and I feel it when you are near. You are love.

You are happy (most of the time).
You know your own mind 
You challenge anyone or anything that challenges you.
You love music and dancing and you sing all. the. time.
You do NOT like kissies!
You love girl Lego.
You share and you are a peacemaker.
You can sleep on your own.
You call for me every morning to come for cuddles.
You still sleep with your bear "Pinky Pie".
Your favourite food is 2 min noodles (mi goreng)
Your favourite colour is pink.and yellow. and purple.
You still ask for a bottle (even when you know the answer is NO)
You can ride a bike with training wheels.
Your lisp is slowly fading.

India, never in all my days could I have imagined enough luck to have been handed you. You are a messy package of hands and feet and hair and fun. I am accosted by your volume and your grace. You made me a mother. There are days of triumph and failure as we traverse this rough terrain together. and even though we have mapped deep descents we have scaled the highest of mountains also. What views await us as we continue to share in the moments I hold closest to my heart?! We are surviving this journey well my love.

I love you forever
I love you for always

Mum xxx

a few photos

BIG

You are the girl with big eyes    and big hair     and big feelings!

Big is a word we often use to describe your differing attributes but one that does not adequately advocate the volume of your heart's capacities. My girl, your heart should have it's own word. A word that keeps company with the likes of infinite, limitless, boundless, wondrous and big.

India, your heart warrants it's own word. I am yet to apprehend it. I desire that you will find it for yourself over and over again throughout the course of your days. And rest assured that each time you do, you will find my love for you resides in the same space; keeping your special word warm and safe in the times that it evades you.

All my Love,
Mum xxx

Grommet

Reeve,

I watch you try so hard to execute new words and stretch the handful you have mastered as we fumble through our days together. There is abundant patience demonstrated in our interaction and i am equally humbled by and proud of the fact that the majority comes from your camp. I know you understand much more than you can say; so much more than i give you credit for. I appreciate your tenderness and I admire your resiliance. How very small I stand in comparison..
You are the Son that gives light to my shadows. I would gladly bask in your warmth all day.

 
You need Grommets. I am terrified but I know my fear is irrational. You are tough. You handle the pain of your ears with staunchness.
                           An example I should follow.
For all that you bring into my life... the endless kisses and wrap-around-the-neck hugs... I give thanks to a God in heaven. I am energized by your love and amused that you prefer Daddy at night!

 I love you.    i love you.    I love you!
Mama xxx

feeling Chipper once more

Sickly Sweet

This picture really sums up the last few days for you my love. Gastro has taken over your fragile frame and at times left you crying "I think im going to feel like this forever!"
I reassured you (as best I could) that this soon would pass but I know trials have a way of feeling never-ending. It has been hard going on you. There has been vomit and sleeplessness and bravery. You have met this challenge with courage and tenderness. This is how you approach life in general and it makes me swell with pride.

Our remedy has been water, rest and extraordinary patience. Your favourite book has helped you find your laughter amid your tears. You sure do love Bums

You have not left my side and I am grateful to be in a position where I have not been required to leave yours. I look forward to seeing your happy face again soon. Sleep well sweetheart and dream of happy days to come. I love you.

18 months

You have another ear infection, which means another course of anti-biotics. You are a good patient my boy. Despite the extra jellybeans, I believe God made you this way - Tough! Capable!
We don't know if there is a connection between your poor ears and your poor speech. Perhaps there is none and you are just taking your time. But I still worry (I'm not only your mother but I am my Father's daughter that way too.)  I want you to know that either one if ok with me. You will always be allowed to take your time and to find out who God created you to become.
I know your ears work because they work well enough for you to truly hear music. I pray long and hard that this will be your drug of choice... No matter what needs healing!

You make a "sssssss" sound for an elephant and when you pretend to play cars. I'm extremely fond of that sound and this face...

and this face

and this face

 

oh, and always these thighs

The charge to chronicle my love for you comes in the most unpredictable places and  times; While I shower,  as I sweat the onions,  when I hang the washing.
In the slow, quiet moments of my everyday motions you are a beacon for my subconscious - you are always my destination, whether I have packed for the ride or not.

     As you grow you change.
               It is necessary.
                                     It is breathtaking.
As you grow you change and those changes sneak up on me as I prune the roses, stack the dishwasher, put you softly to sleep...

Happy Wedding Anniversary (even though we forgot)

For our wedding Anniversary I wrote you a love poem Baxter...

              I'll love you forever...  

                      I'll love you for always xxx

The Quilt Makers ...

We met much earlier then you remember and yet I never forgot that first stolen glance and the flushing that filled my 11 year old cheeks each time your name was spoken thereafter.

It took us 12 years to meet again, only this time you remembered me. It started with a Simpson's joke and an awkward high five and a flushing of my cheeks still.

One year later, as we knelt at that alter, unlike a lamb to the slaughter, I gave myself over to you freely. Eternally Sealed myself to yourself like the makings of a finely stitched quilt... We made promises to finish it together. Added children like patchwork to give beauty to our art and enrich the fabrics.

 
But making quilts is messy and we are 6 years into eternity and feeling the weight of the scraps... Like tracing paper outlines pinned to calico we feel fragile and tacked together lightly... The very thought of our hard work being so easily unsewn is frightening.

Love. is hardwork....

But Our love is biblical and you know me like Adam knew Eve and even they passed through sorrow to find joy. And though there may be snakes in our garden, the fruit is still sweet to taste.

With the pain of each needle's prick and the pulling of threads we grow tightly knit together.

You see...
           Quilting takes time and we are only 6 years into forever with nothing but time on our sides ... and our hands and our backs...

So let fire and life rage at our doorstep. It will only make for better built blanket forts to keep us tucked in safely...
                     Together!