Book Week and Goodbyes

Friday 15th August was India's last day at Madeley Primary school. This was a big deal for her. She first started her schooling experience there back in 2012 as a little pre-kindy 3 year old. From attending the Ready and Learn program on offer at the school, both India and I developed friendships with a gorgeous group of girls and mum's (and siblings). It was the best intro to schooling i could have wished for and it was hard to say farewell when the time finally came. But India handled the trauma with grace and courageous.. which is more than i can say for myself!
At one of our many farewell picnics at the local park leading up to our leaving India's school friends had signed a special stuffed MY LITTLE PONY doll for her to take away to Karratha. I have found her many nights since, holding tight to Rarity, receiving comfort and reassurance that she is loved and remembered. I cant thank Ella enough for this gift to my sweet girl, who feel so largely! I will miss this support group and feel grateful for facebook to keep in touch until we meet again!

There have been many great themed days at Madeley from Bee Day to Lapathon to Pirate Day. That last Friday also coincided with Book Week and so it was a wonderfully colourful and exciting day to end on. All of the kids looked fantastic and Reeve and I had the pleasure of attending the school parade and watching all the children model their costumes. India was desperate to be Draculaura from  Monster High. I had packed all of the kids dress ups and shipped to Karratha so i managed to track down the exact costume India wanted at Big W. We straightened India's hair, did her make up, bought her a new pair of shoes, and her transformation was complete. She felt so beautiful and i couldn't believe how grown up she looked. Her friends all looked absolutely gorgeous too! It was a great morning. After the parade we went to the library and India picked a book to buy. She picked "1000 true and weird facts about Animals". She is obsessed with wildlife and has been since she was a babe, who loved to watch Bindi the Jungle girl. We spent some time reading and laughing in the corner; unbeknownst to me another mother took it upon herself to capture a few sweet moments on her phone and send me the pics. i am so grateful for her kindness and will cherish the candid moments.

We will miss Madeley but look forward to our new adventure. 

 LAPATHON

 India and Reeve showing off their laps

 Lyssy feeling proud!!!

 India getting marked off between laps

BEE DAY

 Kenz, Lily, India, Lyssy, Abbey pyramid

 India sure loves Lyssy

 Abbey, India, Lyssy, Madison, Imogen

pyramid 2.0

PIRATE DAY

 Arrrgh me hearty

BOOK WEEK PARADE

 Madison (Elsa)

India (Draculaura)

Lily (Fancy Malancy)

 Alyssa (Lil Miss Sunshine)

Charlee (Miss Polly's Dolly's Dr)

 DRACULAURA

 Elly (Dorothy)

India and I having a giggle 

Mrs Burkitt

God Blessed us with an angel teacher!!!

before Frozen was a thing.. we learnt to Let It Go!

I decided to take India ice-skating in the school holidays at the end of last year. She had tried really hard to sleep in her own bed every night, as well as mustered as much most courage she could every school drop off and held her tears well. I wanted to take her out for a special day. I was proud of her progress and wanted her to feel special. We went to the ice arena in the morning and then out for McDonalds as a treat afterwards.

We were both nervous about the skating. It had been years since my last trip to the rink and lets just say my body was a little more agile back in those days. It was India's first time. To my sheer relief they had walking frames equipped for the ice to use as a guiding frame.This God send enabled me to help India feel steady  and allowed me to secretly rely on it for the first few laps until i got the feel for skating once more. I used to skate often when i was in my youth and have many fond memories of the Adelaide Ice Arena. However, i was most keen to see my little girl in action!

India was unsure at first. she approached the ice trembling, and not from the cold. She repeatedly told me she was scared and needed to be reassured that i would not let her go until she felt confident. She was slow to get the hang of it but by the end of our skate session she was clumsily able to do a lap by herself without the frame. This made her feel proud and happy. It was a rewarding morning as i carefully and consciously watched her try and fail and try again. It was encouraging to see her refuse to quit. India really wanted to learn how to skate, and even when she felt downtrodden, she picked herself up and kept on trying. She was a joy to watch and had me laughing when she decided to dance to the sweet sweet jams playing over the sound system. Its important for me to take the time to just watch India. She can teach me so much when i let her and i often feel as though i miss the lessons i'm meant to be learning when i try to control too much. We promised each other to come back again soon. I will keep this promise,not only of the refresher course on how to brave, but to simply laugh... out loud... as a little child.

India is 5

Dear India,

You just turned 5. You have been counting down the days to your party and your birthday with great care. You have been no respecter of persons, telling anyone with ears to hear that you are having a butterfly themed birthday party because you are turning 5.

5 years ago you entered this world and made me a mother. There is no gift on earth I could offer you to settle that score my girl... What a present you are and how present you ground me. I am uplifted by you. I am challenged by you. I am strengthened by you.

You love to sing and perform shows for us daily! They would be hourly if given the chance. You choreograph dance and song for maximum applause. You favorite routines at the moment are to 'jet lagged'' by simple plan & 'I knew you were trouble' by Taylor swift. I look forward to taking you to your first concert and one day attending your own when you become the super diva you were born to be.

You are thoughtful and kind to others. You do not understand malice and I used to worry that others would take advantage of your good nature. I am learning to let you handle the big bad world by letting you shine that light so bright it blinds the haters. I am so proud of how you handle confrontation and I am astounded by your ability to make peace. Never be afraid to defend yourself honey but always try hard to kill with kindness first!

You are becoming more willing to try new foods and activities. Even if only small bites at first. There is nothing wrong with taking your time so long as you move forward. Always move forward. You have taken on the motto 'I can  do hard things' and have surprised me with repeating it out loud at times of distress. Don't ever stop believing it! You are made of stronger stuff than anything found on this earth!

Whether it be cooking or crafting or whatever the medium, You love to create. This indicates a willingness to be vulnerable as well as a willingness to fail. I am just as proud of you for your mistakes as i am humbled by your success. You will one day understand that trying and failing and trying again is a valuable craft and one that you should master. Never be afraid to fail because that is often where the magic happens.

You are an individual. You are unique and special and sacred. I love you and I am honored to be your mum! May the next 5 years bring us to higher ground and greater love!! Happy Birthday sweetheart!

Love Mum xoxo

big boy is 3

Reeve,

We had a few friends and cousins over to share your birthday. Your Tia Carmen and I decided to combine our efforts and give you and Noah a joint Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle party. I think it is safe to say that you enjoyed your day. There were party games, party bags, presents, pizza, a pinata, best friends and cake. I made you a cake that you picked out, in the shape of Leonardo. When i showed it to you that morning your eyes lit up. You said "you made dis for me mum?" and as i replied yes you leant in and kissed me. It was a tender moment that i do not want to forget. You were so happy and grateful. I remember feeling so proud of you...

We ended your special day with a trip to the Royal Perth Show. You were allowed to choose 2 rides and 2 show-bags. You had spent time in previous days looking on the show website to choose the perfect ones. You were adamant about a shark bouncy slide and it happened to be one of the first things we saw as we entered the showgrounds. We stayed to watch the horses and the fireworks. I watched as you played with your TMNT watch (from your show-bag), mouth full of bubblegum (from your show-bag), eyes full of joy! As the fireworks began you were sat upon your dad's shoulders. I could hear your screaming the colours of the fireworks that you saw. It was a sight to behold. Your sister danced beside me. My heart was full. As we left for home we asked you if you had enjoyed your birthday and you told us "i so happy... i so happy". We were so happy too my boy!

You have grown so much these past few months. Not just in your physical status. You have become more aware of others and of the way your actions impact on those around you. You are calmer. You are polite. You are still a terror when you do not get your way.

You love to play with your Ninja Turtles, Iron-man, Spider-man and Hulk figurines. I hear you and watch you playing out scenarios as they fight. I am entertained by your imagination. You become embarrassed easily  when you catch me watching you.You love to pretend to be a baby monkey and ask me to be a mummy monkey. You climb up my neck and cuddle in tight and ask for a banana. You love piggy backs from your sissy!

You hate vegetables unless they are hidden in pumpkin soup or spaghetti. You love fruit. You love juice. You cannot stop at just one lolly and i have to hide them from you. You have one bottle still at night to help you get to sleep. You only like one specific bottle that you have nicknamed 'naanaa' because you used to tease India with it as she doesn't get to have one and you do. You are very cheeky and enjoying teasing. Although you do not like to be teased back. We are slowly working on developing a better balance.

I call you my golden boy. You have an energy about you that is as warming as the sun. When you smile the corners of your eyes crinkle and you look just like your Great Grandfather Smylie. It feels like a homecoming. You love to play rough but you also love to snuggle. You will often come up to me and demand a cuddle. You sound angry but i suspect you are really just hungry for connection. I will always offer you connection. You are very polite and always use your manners. I pray you continue to do so. Manners are important and you will find that kindness is power. Do not seek power, seek kindness! You are eager to love and you are a good friend to your sister. Keep her secrets, your heart is open and India will feel safe enough to share them with you. You are loyal and I am so very proud of who you are already...

All my love
your Mum xoxo

i love this pic of Reeve with his bestie (Taco) and India's expression!

Sydney

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go to Sydney to attend an event by the Wake Up project. The event was a speaker by the name of Brene Brown. I first discovered Brene when I was surfing YouTube for TED talks and stumbled across her lecture on 'The Power of Vulnerability'. I was in a pretty vulnerable place that night and, as I lay there in the dark, listening to her speak it was as though this message had been posted just for me. It was a turning point in my life and led me down a path of self discovery. I have been obsessed with the amazing Brene Brown ever since. Not in a "I want to wear your skin as a coat' kind of way but rather a "I'm going to spend $500 to get to Sydney and see her speak in person' kind of way.
I arrived in Sydney on Thursday and spent that night with my cousin Ellen and her hubby Reagan. I adore this couple. I adore how close I am with my extended family and felt our bond of love and friendship grow stronger as I spent time sharing food and laughter. They are a wonderful example of resilience and it was the perfect start to my short getaway.
The following evening I caught a train into the city to catch up with my childhood BFF Brooke. I had the added treat of a quick cuddle and love from my Aunty Chris and her daughters as we passed one another at the station and i swiftly met Noah (Ellen's son). He is adorable! When i arrived at the Central station i stood watching the human traffic pass me by and felt excited with the anticipation of seeing Brookey. We enjoyed a meal at Hard Rock Cafe in Darling Harbour and spent a good part laughing as we reminisced of days gone by. Our circumstances have both changed so much in the time that has passed. We are married now. We are mothers. But despite the time and differences we are still very much the same 10 year old girls at heart. It was such a nice reminder of true friendship. I was really happy that we caught up with Bethany and Leah after dinner at the Lindt cafe. We had fun and I felt connected to a part of myself that has been buried for such a special occasion as this. Reuniting with long time friends brings a special element to an evening.
After a night out on the town (haha) we went back to Brooke's (in her shagin' wagon over the Harbour Bridge) to crash for a few hours before I had to be up for another train ride to the Brene Brown event. The late night was worth the fatigue of the morning and my excitement at the lecture to come was fueling me as i woke at 5am. Brooke dropped me at the station a little while after that and I was fortunate to be able to see Laurel beforehand and briefly catch up with her over breakfast. I have always loved Laurel and was happy to see her again after so long.

The train ride to Chatswood took me a good hour but i enjoyed the peacefulness of that time. I had music playing through my head phones and nice views from the window (including the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge), plus anytime spent traveling without children in the back seems to be a treat these days. I made my way to the Theater and waited for the magic to happen. Before Brene came out we heard beautiful music from a local musician. His rendition of 'The lion sleeps Tonight' was blessed. Following this Jono came to the stage and led the audience in a meditation. I took the opportunity to really connect with where I was and I laid all external noise at my feet to pick up when I left. Brene was then introduced and took her home on the stage. She is a dynamic motivator. I wholehearted believe i was in the right place, at the right time, and witnessed a real life miracle happen in my life. the lecture was a gift. One that I am keeping close to my chest for fear I may lose it, drop it, break it. When the time came for Brene to finish the room stood an ushered her out with applause. Jono then led the good minute (time spent in silence to listen within for the message we wanted to take home) and then it was over. I came to the talk believing that I would learn something, but i never imagined the flow of knowledge would be so steady and so grand. I entered that theater with a heart so broken I was frightened it might never be patched up or able to hold all there was on offer. I left that theater grateful for the cracks that had allowed so much light to enter in. It silenced the noise at my feet and allowed me a graceful exit.

I cried throughout the presentation and spent the next hour walking around a Westfield shopping center (waiting for Claire) crying as waves of gratitude and understanding overwhelmed me.
Eventually Claire and I headed back to Bronte around midday. I spent that evening (which was my last in Sydney) with Claire and Jono and cannot think of anywhere else I would have wanted be. Claire & Jono are two of the most loving, inspired people I have ever met. They founded the Wake Up project. I am so grateful for their example of kindness and wholeheartedness.We spent the afternoon strolling around Bronte and the surrounding coastline to Bondi. Walking in the sunshine, my lungs filled with sea air, was the gentle hug I needed after such an emotional morning. The conversation and scenery was equally beautiful. That night we hired a movie, ate delicious homemade pumpkin soup with crackers and finished off with the most sensational Vegan Cheesecakes i have ever tasted in my life; Chocolate and Raspberry, Mojito, and Raw Vanilla Slice from "Earth to Table". I drifted to sleep that night with a belly and heart so full I was ready to meet my Maker. I will forever be grateful for the peace and contentment I left the East Coast with. Heading home to Perth the following morning was exciting. I missed Kent and my children so desperately, but i was so glad that i had taken the time to do this on my own. Coming home to them after some much needed healing was empowering and wonderful. I cannot thank Kent enough for this gift but i will spend the rest of my life showing him what i have learnt.

Disney on Ice

Towards the end of India's first term of Kindy this year, she experienced some distress when it was time for me to leave. It came as a total shock to her teachers and to me as she had been so brave for the first 3/4 of the term. On her first day, India was the child comforting comforting her friends who were struggling to say goodbye to their parents. This turn in her behaviour really triggered some anxiety in me but we persevered and we got through the rest of the term. Despite the few times India was pried from my arms screaming in term 1, she managed to go the whole of the 2nd term of school with no other episodes. I think it was the promise of a Monster High doll that tipped the scales but i was so impressed wit her resilience that i decided to take her to Disney on Ice as an additional reward.

We drove to the train station with India's Kindy friend Madison (and my new friend; her mum Lauren) and walked the short distance from the city stop to the Perth Arena. This was an additional adventure for the girls and Madison first time on a train. It was so nice to see the girl's anticipation for the show.
We arrived, and after buying a snow cone in a Cinderella carriage, we found our seats. The lights went down and the show began. India's face was worth every cent we spent. She applauded after each skating performance with vigor and her little voice raised itself as high as her spirits. Our favourite part was when the dragon spit fire onto the ice. India was impressed at how the ice didn't melt and she was pleased when Micky Mouse looked her way and waved.

On the way home India and Madison made friend with another girl who had been to the show and they laughed and played the entire length of the train ride. I was impressed with how easily India could make new friends and find joy in doing so. She is becoming such a kind, gentle and loving soul and I am so grateful to be mum.

            so. much. fun.

Lessons I wish i'd learnt...

Dear 15 yr old Me

I know things are really hard sometimes. There are so many voices telling you what you can and cannot do. Who you should and who you should not be. What is right and what is wrong. I know you are doing your best to figure it all out for yourself and process the noise; and I know that there are times when you feel like your best is never going to be enough.

I want you to know that you are going to be OK. Your best is good enough and you are never going to be perfect. The mistakes you make will not define you if you do not let them. Don’t let them.

There will be a time, not long from now, when you will lose your way. This time will be hard and scary and full of remorse. You will feel hopeless and alone – even though you will be surrounded by people. This time in your life can be avoided if you choose wisely. If you can dig deep within yourself and be humble to the advice of those who truly love you! Your parents love you and want you to be happy. They are not trying to ruin your life. They are not perfect. They will make mistakes. Forgive them. One day you will understand for yourself the immense calling that is parenthood and you will know why they acted so desperately. It was desperation at the heart of their war with you and you fought your own battle from the same ground also.

Your feelings matter. Your ideas are important. You are capable. You are not fat. You are not ugly. You are precious and fragile and still learning. You are not the object of a boy’s affection. Do not be quick to tie yourself to the same person for your entire youth. They may prove to be an anchor that keeps you in an unsafe harbour. There will be time for love and heartache later. Learn who you are first and then be confident in the man that loves you for exactly whoever that is. You are not defined by the opinions other will form of you. And they will form opinions. Have courage and know that courage is not the absence of fear, rather the ability to move through that fear and press forward. Forgive yourself and forgive others. It takes courage to forgive.

Ask for help when you are in trouble. There will be times when you will be afraid to ask, ask anyway. Take responsibility for your actions and be honest with yourself and others.

Above all else I want you to know that you are loved. You are loved so deeply there is no name for it. You are capable of learning to love yourself. Learn to love yourself and you will never feel alone.

Life gets better if you let it!

xo